1/4/93

She tells me that April Fools is only on in the morning, will I must be in New York as there is no petrol in the tank and the old bed is represented, as to why this all goes down, ask the lady that gave the answer,

No,

actually,

the answer is within,

and totally dependent upon the attitude and ability to create a desirable enjoyable relationship where pleasure is a part of the interaction which tales place with each meeting.

if only I could comment with the love I have.

I wish to obtain something fro somebody.

I want to receive something from somebody.

I need love.

I sit here in bed alone without hope without direction and without love.

I find it difficult to continue to see glory along the trail where on either side are brick fences where you have to brake to avoid the lines in front.

It seems illogical to battle the shit, and if one does not by obtaining position then all they do is justify it.

So all one does is enjoy the shit.

For there is no ability to avoid it.

Tasmanian hermits have no fun!

The futility of the existence

if there is not meaning then why live

to die

why not now?

is anything achieved by delaying death

what benefit is obtained from life.

is there pleasure

real happiness joy satisfaction

oh shit, garbage

with a few

trees around the edges.

where is my penis

what is it for

for or one

five fires burn and no water is left in the dam so all we could hope for is ashes to remain if we return if we run away, otherwise fight to save life of the past for the present could be the future, though that will be the case even if one follows, or leads.

deterministic/fatalistic/nillism

I wish

I was

Dead with

Love

Life

for each day is so so good

it so so hard to take all the

beauty surrounding my reality

so I feel sick

the mind feels sick

fuck it ALL.